This aging friend of mine says, "I see people my age out there climbing mountains and zip lining and here I am, feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance!" 

On a related note, "I will no longer be joining The Rockettes due to an inability to lift my left leg at more than a 17-degree angle.  I'd appreciate privacy during this difficult time." 

Christmas baking this weekend?  Use this one, "Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven?" 

I like this one, "Everyone has a photographic memory;  some just don't have film." 

Here's a friend of mine who shares, "My toxic trait is not letting anyone else clean because it's not clean unless I clean it...and then getting angry when no one helps me clean." 

And one more, "The best present ever is a broken drum.  It's hard to beat."