Outliving your own child is what parents fear the most, though that's exactly what local mother, Shelley Heisler has gone through.

Her son Ryan took his own life after many years of battling addiction.

Shelley said that a loss is a loss, no matter the cause.

"It's a loss. Whether you lose a loss of life through suicide, or a disease, cancer, an accident. It's a loss. And it's permanent. And it's forever. We as a family, and all his friends, everybody, we were all just devastated. I remember his friends setting up a facebook page in memory of Ryan, and the people that posted on there. And the pictures that they posted that I wasn't even aware of was phenomenal. But in the end, it's still all just sad. Sad loss of life."

Ryan Heisler took his own life at the age of 30. He passed away in 2014, on February 1st.

"He was raised here in Moose Jaw, went to Ross School, and he had a happy normal childhood. He went to Scouts, he did taekwondo, [and] bible camp in the summers. After he graduated he went to Siast for one year, and then he went to Red Deer for his finishing year to be a certified chartered accountant."

When Ryan was 25, his best friend that he was rooming with passed away in his arms due to an accidental overdose.

"And you would think that would scare him silly as to what these drugs can do, but the addiction was just so overwhelming that the battle was 5 years. During most of that time he was here in Moose Jaw, and some of it was in Red Deer. He kind of bounced back and forth. But the end, through flipping back and forth, he went to Langley. Which is Wagner Hills Rehab Centre. Which is just for men, it's a Christian rehab centre. We sent him there, and of course, he went willingly. It was supposed to be for a year-long, so we're like this is it, he's going to be rescued. He stayed there for about 5 months, and checked himself out and about a month after that was when he took his life."

Ryan battled with opioids, and towards the end was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. Three main afflictions that come with that is addiction, suicide and depression.

"We were there for support, and unconditional love and it was really difficult. You have to be there in such a way without enabling the addiction. So there was a lot of tough love. But there was a lot of unconditional love and support there as well. Wherever he needed it, and it made sense, we were there for him. When you are introducing any kind of drug into your body, especially when it's street drugs in general, that can have an effect on your brain chemically, so that's then going to create an imbalance. And that imbalance is what you're fighting, and the battle is from that day forward."

Shelley went to a grief counselling group in search of help, and she found it very helpful.

"They help you prepare yourself for the grieving process, and what it entails. And it's also someone to relate to. There are other people who are experiencing other types of losses. So it helped to be able to navigate that as best as I could. To be honest with you I'm still in touch with counselling, because sometimes when there's triggers or reminders or I'm just having a not so great day missing Ryan, I have resources to reach out to and help me through those times."

Shelley said that people feel the 'Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda' syndrome, and it's a waste of energy to do so.

"I still do it to this day. Because as a mother, even though I was with him through that journey for those 5 years. You look back at it. You think of the conversations and your reactions. You go back to childhood and think 'what did I miss'. What didn't I do. And through all of it, it's a waste of energy to go to that space because it doesn't accomplish anything. He's gone, and that was his choice. I can't do anything about that now."

Prevention saves lives. The more we know, and the more compassionate we are, and the more helpful we are to other human beings, the more lives we can save, said Shelley.

Shelley's message to anyone who will listen is this:

"Your life does matter. You don't have to deal with your feelings alone. Reach out to someone. Anyone. It's ok to talk about your thoughts of suicide. Reach out. Seek help. Find someone you trust or a professional. And be kind to yourself. When you're having those low days or those low times, give yourself a break. Take a breath. Breathing means that you're alive, so breath. Self-care works wonders, and that works for both sides, that's one of the things I learned in my therapy. I didn't realize that everything I was doing was for everyone else, and I was last on the totem pole. And I learned that I need to look after me too. And take it one day at a time. Try not to get too overwhelmed. Your life matters. One thing that I use for myself is to keep moving forward."

"To those who have lost a loved one, I'm sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. I give you an imaginary big hug. You just keep moving forward to."

For more information on suicide, and how to spot the signs, stay informed, and how to handle the issue, head to suicideprevention.ca.